A Cooking Disaster
by jykamiya
Summary: [COMPLETE] As we all know, Kaoru may not be the world's best cook BUT any idea how bad Kaoru's cooking can actually get? hehe...read to find out! And don't forget...REVIEWS! I need reviews!
1. Chapter 1

before anything, i sincerely apologize if this is not up to your expectations...gomenasai!!! as you might have guessed, this is my first attempt at writing fanfic and if it wasn't from my friends' encouragement, it would have remained forgotten in the computer for ever and ever.......

Do me a favour, would you? Please review and let me know what you think...please...please...pretty please....!!!! puppy dog eyes Even if it's only a word or two, I'll really appreciate it......arigato!!!

Disclaimer: I...I ...do......do..n..n...not own Rurouni Kenshin!!! wahhh!!!sob sob

Chapter 1

The fluttering wings of birds returning home to their young ones and the gentle breeze sounding the wind chimes signaled the approaching dusk. The fast-fading rays of the setting sun struggled to illuminate the gloomy-looking interior training hall of the Kamiya dojo. The atmosphere inside, however, was far from gloomy. In one corner, a vixen-like lady was threatening to smother a red-haired samurai with passionate smooches, despite the latter's cries of pleas and protests. At the other end.....

"I'll lay my odds on the fox lady," Sanosuke regarded the situation with a critical eye. "There's no way Kenshin's gonna get out of this, especially if she's in this crazy mood."

The small spiky-haired kid beside him did not seem to think so. "Oh, yeah? I'll bet you a hundred washing-up days that Kenshin's not gonna lose to some psycho maniac woman like that."

"N..No.... Miss Megumi, Y....Y...You can't...." Kenshin put up a barrier of stammering words in a feeble attempt to discourage the advancing woman.

It was all part and parcel of a typical day where constant bickering and chaos were not uncommon. It was, therefore, highly unlikely for any of them to anticipate the terrible fate lurking JUST around the corner.....

"DINNER TIME!!!!" A loud, resounding voice bounced off the walls of the dojo, taking its occupants by surprise. "Oro?" Kenshin's eyesbrows shot up as his flailing arms ceased to function as a protective shield for a split second. Quick as lightning, Megumi lurched forward, seizing the perfect opportunity to plant a big sloppy kiss on the red-head's unscarred cheek. "Ororo..?" Realization dawned upon his face. "Arrggggghhhh!!!!!"

Kenshin's vigorous scrubbing of his cheek was interrupted by the dojo's door sliding open and the appearance of a young girl about 17 bearing a huge dinner tray. The sight of it should be inviting, but somehow her beaming face sent shivers down their spines. The presence of a sickly smell seeping through the thick cover of the tray did little to ease their feelings of discomfort.

"You're in luck today, guys, I made you all something special," Kaoru sounded really pleased with herself as she gestured for them to come closer. Everyone gulped. _Special! _There is no denying it, Kaoru's cooking is certainly special. Special enough to keep the toughest and meanest character groaning and moaning in bed for three days straight. Even Kenshin, the only one able to actually tolerate Kaoru's cooking, looked a shade greener than usual.

"Ta...da!" With one fluid movement, Kaoru lifted the lid off the tray, revealing some kind of raw poultry soaking in bluish sauce, emitting a foul, disgusting stench.

"Uugghh!!" Yahiko and Sano made a wild dash for the front door in a desperate attempt to obtain fresh air while Megumi firmly restrained the urge to pour out the contents of her stomach right there and then. Only Kenshin stood immobilized, despite the fact that his face is now a deathly white, impressed that she could produce something even worse than the breakfast last week.

It was surprising...no, amazing....no, miraculous that Kaoru was unaffected by her own cooking. Gazing down lovingly at the dish she managed to put together, she had not noticed the others' reactions.

"So, who'll like the honour of being the first to taste it? Hmm..?" Her probing eyes lit up with hope when her gaze fell upon the now-shivering Sanosuke. "Sano! You look hungry....here....go on...no need to be shy," She pushed the dish right under his nose and waited expectantly.

Sanosuke's heart literally stopped beating the moment her searching eyes fell upon him. _W...Why me?_ _I've pulled through uncountable near-death experiences but t....t....this is the nearest thus far!!!Why?...Why did it have to end like that? I....I can't....can't...... go on......it's...it's...getting dark..._

"Hey!" Sano snapped out of the verge of death as sudden inspiration washed through him. "Why not let Kenshin have a go at it first? Look, he's practically drooling now....."

All Sanosuke could do was mutter a silent apology as Kenshin's expression underwent a complete transformation from an emphatic look to one of sheer terror and agony. _How.....How could you, Sano???!!! And to think I've always thought of you as my most trusted friend!!! I've been betrayed....betrayed....NOOOO!!!!!_

Kenshin's thoughts broke off when his vision cleared sufficiently, revealing the hurt look on Kaoru's face. Kenshin immediately melted, his heart captivated by the sight of the innocent-looking girl with fresh tears welled up in her mournful eyes, threatening to burst into tears at any second.

"Don't....Don't cry, Kaoru-dono...p...p....please....I...I....ummm ...I ...," stammered Kenshin, straining to come up with a plausible excuse, but failing miserably. Well aware he was facing a danger that even his Hiten Mitsurugi cannot save him from, he sighed resignedly. "Oh, well, alright.....I'll try your cooking, Kaoru-dono."

The tears were gone in a blink of an eye. With a gleeful cry that chilled Kenshin's blood, Kaoru had the dish in front of him in a matter of seconds. There was no way out of this now. It was either do or die.

Kenshin grasped the spoon with trembling hands and proceeded to scoop the bluish gravy. Accepting his own terrible fate, he started to thrust it into the open hole of his mouth.........


	2. Chapter 2

TWHACK!! A torn and tattered shoe thrown with deadly accuracy landed squarely on Kenshin's arm, provoking a surprise "Oro?" from him. The spoon flew out of his clenched fingers, spun wildly through the air and landed on the wooden ground with a deafening clatter, its echo ringing eerily throughout the closed-up dojo.

"KENSHIN!!!!" Yahiko was the first to break the momentary hushed silence that had fallen upon the group. "Are you nuts? How could you even THINK of trying that thing! That's suicide!" Yahiko yelled, looking aghast and hopping around on a shoeless foot in a state of frenzy.

"Why you...you little twerp!" Kaoru glowered at the kid who stared back defiantly. "You're just jealous because you don't get to taste my marvelous dish first. Well, if that's the way you're going to behave, I'm not going to allow you to try it," she added haughtily and was puzzled to see signs of immense relief.

Kaoru turned back towards her victim only to find her arch-rival planted firmly in front of him.

"AND as your doctor, I am in a position to ban you for trying anything as risky as that AND you are NOT, I repeat, NOT allowed to go against doctor's orders, you understand me?" Kenshin cowered under Megumi's severe lecturing and penetrating glare. But the determined woman was far from done.

"AND......if u are stubborn enough to not heed this warning, I'm gonna have to use THIS....ohohohoho," The sound of the evil laugh made Kenshin's hair stood on end. He peered up cautiously to see the fox woman dangling a dog collar in the air with a delighted expression.

"H...H...Help.....m....me..?" muttered Kenshin, turning pleading eyes towards Yahiko and Sanosuke. But it was the terrifying cook that came to his rescue.

"What do you think you're doing, you vixen?" Kaoru elbowed Megumi away to smile sweetly at Kenshin, who perspired. _This isn't much better, though. _"Kenshin, I'm SOOOOOO sorry to have kept you waiting, but I had to deal with that brat. Here, now eat up," she plonked the dish a second time in front of him.

There was no escape this time. A sudden tap on the back caught him off-guard. Stiffening, Kenshin turned, fully expecting to witness Satan himself who had came express from Hell to personally invite him there. A huge sigh of relief escaped his lips when he found himself staring at the familiar face of Sanosuke.

Sanosuke was patting him soothingly, almost reassuringly. And on his expression was the most sincere look imaginable. "You've got nothing to worry about, Kenshin," he explained to his tongue-tied pal. "I've got it all covered."

_Got it all covered? I'm not sure if I understand what he's implying, but it doesn't matter. That sounds good...really good......He's got it covered...which means......... I......I...can survive!!!_

All of a sudden, the world seemed a much better place to live in. The chirping of birds... the rustling of the leaves on the trees... it suddenly dawned upon Kenshin how unappreciative he had been of life. But that was all going to change now...he had gained an insight into life... and was now prepared to live life to the fullest.

A hard poke from Sanosuke brought him back to reality. "Kenshin, you listening to me? I said...there's no need for you to worry...we'll make sure you receive a proper burial and everything. Your funeral is in good hands."

_Burial? Funeral?_ The wonderful, magical world of his dreams came crashing down, shattering into a thousand and one pieces. All at once, his impression of Sanosuke took a turn for the worse as he recalled the earlier incident. The glare he shot at Sano was so venomous-filled that Sano backed away hurriedly, tripping over a tatami mat in the process and ending up in a bruised heap on the ground.

"YOU got me into this," Kenshin muttered angrily under his breath and was about to proceed in an enjoyable task of tearing Sano from limb to limb when a timid "Kenshin?" stopped him dead in his tracks. Praying for another distraction, Kenshin looked around frantically. Alas, he saw that it was not to be. Yahiko was thrust up in the corner, firmly gagged and bounded while Megumi's movements were restrained by the very dog collar she threatened Kenshin with, chained to the furthest end of the room. And it doesn't look as if the knocked-out Sano would be up and around for some time.

A new spoon was pushed between his sweaty fingers and with a hopeful Kaoru watching, he was obliged to humor her. With a heavy heart, Kenshin lifted the now-filled spoon towards his face. _Well, here goes. _He squeezed his eyes tight and shoved the spoon into his gaping mouth...


	3. Chapter3

heyo, people!! it's my third chapter now....woohoo!!! i never knew i could come this far.....but my spirit's dampening cos i'm not getting reviews.......(burst into tears)

so, come on, fellas......please....I'm begging u.........please read and review......u've no idea how a few encouraging words can lift my spirits to the MAX!!!!! = ) i may not be continuing this fanfic if i dun get any response........so..............u know wat to do, right?

Chapter 3

"COUGH!!! COUGH!!! CHOKE!!!! CHOKE!!! SPLUTTER!!!!!" Kenshin turned a definite bright green with bulging eyes that threaten to fall out any second as soon as the spoon disappeared from view. "Uggh......grrkkkk......." He started pounding on his chest with his own fists, but the damage was done.......the gravy had trickled down his throat..._oh, God, what have I done to deserve this?? _Kenshin wailed in silent despair as he clutched desperately at his protesting throat. His knees suddenly gave way and he was soon writhing on the floor with agony written all over his face.

"Kenshin! Kenshin! Are you okay? You can't die yet, you haven't tried the chicken " sobbed a distraught Kaoru, shaking a spiral-eyed Kenshin to and fro.

SMACK!! "Oww!" A hard stinging slap on her arm forced Kaoru to release her firm hold on Kenshin. "Let go of him, he's mine!" snapped Megumi who had miraculously freed herself from the dog leash. "Now look what you've done to him, you numbskull."

Kenshin had suddenly found comfort in repeatedly crashing his head against the ground. Somehow, the pain of this distracted him from the tortures of his churning stomach. In the midst of this, Kenshin caught himself wondering how food could ever taste that horrible. Somehow, it wasn't possible........

With a final strangled cry, Kenshin collapsed face-front onto the floor, and apart from a few convulsive jerks which soon ceased, remained perfectly still. Not even the slightest sound of breathing could be heard.

"He dead already?" Sanosuke, with a huge bump on his forehead, prodded the motionless figure with a foot unsympathetically. "Tsk......tsk........" he shook his head slightly in obvious disappointment. "Personally, I would have expected more from the great Battousai. Oh well, a promise's a promise. I'm off to see the undertaker."

"SANOSUKE!!!!" roared Yahiko, struggling frantically in an attempt to remove the thick ropes restricting his movements. "Wait up! I'll help you find the minister!"

Kaoru could sense the familiar feeling of wrath building up inside her as her hands balled into fists. The warm sensation of her face turning red surprised her. She had never felt so much rage, so much anger, so much frustration all at once in her lifetime.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU IDIOTS!!!"

"Huh?" Two rough and unlady-like hands shot out to grab their collars, stopping them short. The horrifying expression on Kaoru's face was enough to get them perspiring profusely.

"How could you do that?! We were supposed to be friends, friends that care for each other, friends that help one another in times of sorrow, pain and misery!" Kaoru was shedding tears now, making the gnawing feeling of their guilt even worse. "How could you? How could you? How could you just leave me here to deal with his corpse??!!"

DUHHH....... Every single person in the dojo sweat dropped. Kaoru Kamiya, not affected by Himura Kenshin's death but instead, weeping over the fact that she has now to deal with his body. Somehow, the perception of her being his loving, caring and loyal sweetheart doesn't seem to register.

"Hunh?" The single-word expression of surprise seemed strange and unusual coming from the fox-lady. Whatever that had provoked it must be simply too astonishing for words.

"I....I don't believe it......," she whispered. The expression on Megumi's face was a combination of shock, of wonder and of total amazement. The others stood stock-still, gaping, wondering what in the world had come over the usually calm doctor.

"He's....he's still alive! There's a heartbeat!" uttered the vixen who was kneeled down beside the lifeless form of Kenshin holding up his limp wrist.

"You didn't kill him, Kaoru! You didn't!" Megumi sang out at the top of her voice while performing a little dance of joy. On the other hand, Sanosuke and Yahiko looked a little crestfallen. They had actually been looking forward to organizing the funeral of the great Battousai. As the pattering sound of feet grew significantly louder, they looked up in surprise to see Kaoru actually linking arms with Megumi in a happy tango.

"I never thought I would lived to see this day....never.....those two getting along so well together," Sanosuke raised his hands in a silent and thankful prayer while Yahiko bowed down to the ground in his own way of expressing his heartfelt gratitude.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" A back to normal Kaoru banged their heads together, resulting in two simultaneous screeches of pain.

"Now, I want you two to help get Kenshin into his room and clear this place up, you hear me?" demanded Kaoru, wagging a finger in their faces.

"But....but......" Yahiko stammered. He recovered quickly from the initial shock as his face took on a determined look. "What makes you think you can boss me around like that, you ugly woman?"

The incredulous look on Sano's face was priceless. "You're....you asking me.....me, the great Sano ....to do....do....work?!" he spat the words out as if they were poisonous.

Minutes later............the scene shows Yahiko shoving a rag along the wooden floor of the dojo with Sanosuke emptying a pail of filthy water into the drain, muttering angrily in the process.

"We've done all your stupid chores, you happy now?" Sanosuke and Yahiko barged into Kenshin's room where the two young women were huddled around the still-unconscious samurai.

Megumi, who had been examining him, turned to greet them with anxious-looking eyes.

"It's strange....."


	4. Chapter 4

hey....fellas!!!!

this is my fourth chapter now....hehe...n also the second last i think.....i'll most probably be completing this fanfic in the next chapter.....so stay updated..!!! oopss....i think i spoke too soon.......just remembered that my trials is in 3 weeks time!!! arrgghhhhhh!!! bangs head against wall soooo........that means my next chapter might be a teensy late.....dun give up on me though, ok, folks??

A GREAT BIG HUG to all my reviewers out there!!! love you ppl sooooooo much........blows a kiss .Without ur reviews....i woud have shredded my story n deposited it into the waste paper basket!

okie..i think u're all probably sick n tired from hearing all this crap.....sooo......on with the story! ooo.....reminds me....i'm seriously sorry if u think i'm dropping below standard....i'm a little diappointed with this chapter cos i dun think it's as funny as the previous ones.....anyway, tell me wat u think, ok??? thankies!!! double hugs.......no ....wait.....triple hugs

Chapter 4

"It's strange....his pulse's steady, his breathing's normal and his pupils aren't glazed. I don't get this. It's like he's only sleeping so why won't he just wake up?" With her voice rising a few decibels, Megumi was clearly frustrated.

"Oh? That's it? That's easy then. Allow me," Sano jostled forward and began cracking his knuckles with an evil gleam in his eyes, chuckling when he saw the panic-stricken look on Kaoru's and Megumi's face.

"Relax......I'm not gonna beat him up or anything. What do you take me for? A street fighter ready to give anyone a bashing?" The others sweatdropped. That was exactly what they took him for.

"Alrighty then.....a few hard pokes oughta do it...," Sano rolled up his sleeves and gave Kenshin a hefty jab in the side.

Silence. No cries of "Ouch!" No wails of "Yeowwch!" And worse still, no sounds of "Oro?".

An irritated Sanosuke refused to give up. "Playing numb, huh, Great Battousai? Hmmph.......you think you're so great? Hmm? Hmm?" A series of merciless jabs ensued. "Wahahaha... .wahahahaha.....WAHAHAHAHA!!!" An evil grin plastered across his face, he looked the picture of a demon from the depths of Hell.

CRACK!! "Aaah!" Sano cried out in alarm.

Megumi, the ever-concern doctor, was all over him immediately. "Ohhh...you poor dear...have u hurt your finger? Aww...poor little over and let mama patch u up..." Megumi clucked sympathetically, oblivious to Kaoru's and Yahiko's hanging open mouths.

Sano replied by waggling his index finger in Megumi's face in a most annoying manner. "Hmm? Me? Hurt? Seems fine, though. It's probably Kenshin's ribs that's broken. Lemme see......." He poked and probed once more.

CRACK!! SNAP!! CRACK!!

"Yup, it's his ribs ...." grinned Sano, sounding really pleased with himself for being able to figure that out. His smug expression, however, was wiped off when he sensed a familiar rise in the room's temperature.

"Oo...er!" he grouped feverishly in his mind for something...anything....when he caught sight of a boiling Kaoru with steam pouring out of her ears and nose. _This isn't good...how do I get out of this?? Quick, Sanosuke Sagara! Think! Think!_

"AHA!" Sano muttered a silent prayer of thanks for the sudden brainwave. "I've got it!! The secret weapon!! The thing that can wake Kenshin up!!"

Sneaking a glance at Kaoru, he was enormously relieved to observe that she had ceased to resemble a livid dragon. "What is it?" the ex-dragon asked, breathlessly, with an almost amiable look. For the first time in history, Yahiko actually looked intrigued. Even Megumi was not giving him that look he got from her the other day when he was explaining to her that ice-cream tastes so much better when you're eating it upside down.

"Abracadabra!!" Sano proudly brandished the "secret weapon" high up in the air. The others craned their heads to look......

"SCOTCH TAPE??!!??" Stares of disbelief greeted him.

"Yup, it's easy....you just gotta lift up the eyelids..." Sano pried open Kenshin's eyelids with filthy fingers that Kaoru had observed to have squashed a bug just two seconds ago, "and then you stick em' up with scotch tape!! As easy as that!! Can you believe it?! Now all you gotta have is a little patience and..."

"HAI – YAHHHHH!!!!!!!" Sano was cut short by the sound of a strangled war-cry. "What the....?" He had no time to dodge before a broom, handled by a very furious Kaoru, landed squarely on his rooster head....thick as his skull was, there was no question as to whether he felt the blow, for a loud crack was heard.

Kaoru, hot on the heels of a battered Sanosuke while fully concentrated on the task of butchering him into a thousand and one pieces, was suddenly distracted by a distinctly familiar yet chilling sound.

"Ohohoho........!!" The sight of Megumi with newfound foxy ears bent over Kenshin with her lips puckered up caught her speechless. _NOOOOOooooooooOOOO!!!_

To her utmost surprise, it was her victim who saved the day. "No, you don't," smirked Sanosuke, with a foxy tail firmly grasped in his hand while the fox strained and strived to free itself, yelling curses that could have made any fan of Megumi's ears burn.

"Let go of me, you jerk!" The fox howled, tugging hard. "I'm gonna wake him up! Just a little kiss from the princess to awake the prince of her dreams,,,,," she added dreamily, obviously in her own world of fantasy.

"SPLASH!!!!" Freezing cold water was tipped over the fox, bringing forth a loud gasp of shock. Kaoru, with the telltale bucket still in her hands, and Sanosuke, collapsed onto the floor, laughing helplessly, unable to control the tears from streaming down their faces at the sight of a drenched vixen with drooping ears and tail. Yahiko, on the other hand, was........wait a minute........Kaoru suddenly sat up straight.

"Where's Yahiko?"


	5. Chapter 5

Alright, everyone!! my final chapter!! i'm sooo sorry for the long delay in producing this....hehe...i'm really a procrastinator....anyway, i have so many ppl to thank, allmy faithful reviewers for throwing in a word or two and a few friends who's been really generous in their encouragement......no thanks to my bro though, that brat only knows how to criticize my stuff.....grrr.....

okie....enough nonsense now......i fervently hope that all readers are willing to leave a few comments.... anything would do!! anything to keep that certain flame for fanfic-writing burning!! thankies sooo much......hugs

Chapter 5

An echoing clatter shattered the momentary silence of the atmosphere. Megumi, Sano and Kaoru exchanged knowingly looks. The noise explaining Yahiko's absence perfectly, there was not the slightest lingering doubt that he was up to mischief of some kind. Besides snoring his head off and stuffing his face with food, Yahiko's daily activities included breeding slugs in Kaoru's futon and giving Sano a haircut when the latter was drunk. Another understanding look between them signified the silent agreement to strip Yahiko in front of Tsubame if the need arises.

Yahiko's not so popular head suddenly popped into view as he trudged into the room with difficulty, not a very surprising fact considering the amount of saucepans and frying pans balanced treacherously in his arms…….KAORU'S pots and pans. Kaoru's eyes narrowed. This looked really suspicious.

"What you planning to do with those, Yahiko-chan?" Sano removed a finger from his nose to poke Yahiko dubiously.

"Arrghhh!! Don't you dare lay your filthy fingers on me!! And don't call me that!" bellowed Yahiko, dropping all the pans in the process of waving his arms in a fit of fury. The only one to receive a soft landing, the largest saucepan of all landed right smack on Sano's big toe. The unfortunate toe instantly turned red while Sano's face adopted a shade of purple. His jaw dropped wide open but the most he could manage was a very girlish squawk

"WAHAHAHA….uh-oh," Yahiko abruptly ceased laughing, hurriedly wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as he witnessed Sano deliberately advancing slowly while brandishing the largest frying with fury written all over his face

"&#&$!! Why you….. ," muttered Sanosuke under his breath. Swinging his weapon with full force, he was rewarded with a loud thump. Sano grinned with satisfaction. _That oughta teach the brat a lesson. Hey wait…_there were no yelps of pain, no cries of anguish nor wails of agony. Only silence…..

"He couldn't have been that weak, could he? One small hit like that couldn't have knocked him out cold," The incredulity in Sano's tone was evident as he lowered the humongous frying pan. Instead of the sprawled out figure of Yahiko Myoujin, the sight which greeted him the disfigured face of Kenshin Himura, with a smashed nose that looked as if someone had try to thrust it into his head. The grinning face peeking out from behind the pitiful-looking samurai evidently thought it was a pretty good idea to seek shelter behind Kenshin and even had the cheek to stick its tongue out at Sano.

"Yahiko……" Yahiko stiffened as he caught sight of both Kenshin's sweethearts rolling up their sleeves and smiling sweetly at him…..a little TOO sweetly.

"Miss Kaoru, if it's not too much trouble, would you mind holding Yahiko for JUST a little while?" asked Megumi with a perfectly innocent look. A syringe appeared out of nowhere and Megumi proceeded to fill it with some nasty-looking green liquid., humming softly to herself.

"It'll be my pleasure, Megumi," Kaoru grabbed Yahiko, with still the impeccable smile frozen on her lips. "But what do you have in store for this sweet little boy here?"

"Oh, this?" Megumi waved the syringe about carelessly. "Oh, I dunno…..we'll just have to wait and see what happens, don't we?? Ohohohohoho!!" Foxy ears sprang out all of a sudden.

"AHHHH!!! Save me, Sanosuke!! HELP!!!!" wailed Yahiko as he struggled to free himself from Kaoru's grasp. The syringe approached him, its tip pointing directly at Yahiko as it reflected the sunlight with a wicked gleam. Sanosuke merely shrugged helplessly. He was not going to risk his neck saving some pest who certainly deserved a lesson.

"HOLD IT!!" Yahiko twisted out of Kaoru's grasp, knocking the syringe from Megumi's clenched fingers. It sailed harmlessly through the open window and imbedded itself firmly in a merrily chirping sparrow's butt. The chirping ceased immediately as the unfortunate bird plummeted towards the ground, ending up on the sandy surface with a loud plonk. Yahiko gulped. _That was certainly a close shave. _He drew himself up to his full height in a pathetic show of dignity. "I, Yahiko Myoujin, shall now create history by reviving the legendary Battousai the manslayer from his deep slumber!""

Kaoru, Megumi and Sano stared at each other incredulously. "BWAHAHAHA… ……WAHAHAHA!!!!" All three went sprawling on the ground, laughing their heads off while clutching their aching stomachs. Sanosuke pounded his chest with a fist and managed to choke out something about pigs being able to fly.

"You just wait and see," fumed Yahiko as he armed himself with the most menacing-looking saucepans. "THIS will have him springing up from bed in no time!!"

CLASH!! BANG!! CRASH!! CLANG!! Saucepans collided with one another in a terrific explosion of noise, making a din loud enough to awaken the dead. Two cats purring on the fence leapt 6 inches into the air with loud screeches before ending up on the ground with their 4 legs pointed towards the high heavens. A squirrel scampering up a tree trunk turned into stone and landed on the ground with a thud.

"Shut up this instant, you idiot!!!!!" THUMP!! THUD!! Rotten eggs thrown by furious neighbours burst upon contact with Yahiko, with more and more eggs following in quick succession.

""OW!! OW!! STOP IT, I TELL YOU!!!" Yahiko paused with his banging deal with the foul, stinking liquid which was threatening to drip into his eyes. He surveyed his vicinity with some degree of surprise. Kaoru's head was buried deep in the dojo's wooden floor while Sanosuke's whole head had disappeared into the ceiling, his limbs dangling down like those of a stuff doll. Megumi, on the other hand, had 2 large frying pans clapped over her ears, her lips drawn back in frozen terror. Only Kenshin seemed unaffected by the chaos that had erupted, although the sight of blood trickling out both his ears might suggest some form of permanent brain damage.

Kaoru yanked her head out from the jagged wooden planks as Sano freed his head and Megumi removed the firmly etched frying pans with some difficulty. It would be underestimating it to say that they looked mad, words cannot describe the fury written all over their faces.

One look at Yahiko, however, changed all that. "WAKAKAKA!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!" The three collapsed with tears streaming down their cheeks at the sight of an egg-splattered Yahiko with yolk pouring out of his nose and ears.

"Arrghhh…..you just watch out!!"

GROWL!! Everyone started, alarmed by the unexpected sound. "What was that?" whispered Megumi, her voice filled with uncertainty. Kaoru crept closer towards Kenshin, trembling in fear.

GROWL!! GROWL!!

"Ahhhhh! It's Kenshin's stomach rumbling!!" Kaoru's expression darkened with worry. 'Poor little dearie, suffering from an empty stomach!! Oh, why didn't he finish up that chicken earlier???" The others sweatdropped.

"Oh, right!!" Kaoru brightened considerably, snapping her fingers in delight. "I've still got miso soup!! And enough for everyone too!!" Megumi's, Sano's and Yahiko's eyeballs almost popped out in sheer terror. Too late. Kaoru had scampered off to the kitchen.

"Now where in the world did they go?" grumbled Kaoru, in a huff when she returned to find the dojo door wide open and the wind billowing desolately. If she had only opened her eyes a little wider, the three heads peering cautiously over the window sill would have failed to escape unnoticed.

Kaoru turned her attention towards the once legendary manslayer. "How's my poor little sweetie-pie? Don't you worry, some of Kaoru's homemade miso soup will make you feel better in no time!!" She beamed as she deftly scooped a generous portion of soup from the steaming pot. The smell was more than unbearable. The three peeping faces were contorted in agony with hands clutching their respective throats.

"Poor Dear Ken," choked Megumi between gasps of air, trying to hold back tears. Yahiko sighed despondently as he speculated Kenshin Himura's bleak future while Sano could only shake his head in despair.

"Say AHH…..that's a good boy…." Kaoru pried Kenshin's mouth wide open and deposited a whole bowl of evil-smelling miso soup into it. "There you go dearie…..want a second helping?" Kaoru patted Kenshin's cheek affectionately.

The three stooges outside were already on their knees, hands lifted towards the heavens in prayer to the great gods above. The least they could do for poor Kenshin now was to wish him a swift and painless ending. Death was inevitable. Nothing could change that fact.

"CHOKE!! SPLUTTER!! COUGH!! WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT??" gasped a suddenly awake and sitting upright Kenshin, struggling to repel the foul-tasting liquid from his mouth. "Quick!!! I need Listerine!!!"

With a shriek of delight, Kaoru flung herself onto Kenshin. "You're awake!! Oh my God…my miso soup did it!!" squealed Kaoru, going all sparkly-eyed while clutching a spiral-eyed Kenshin.

"WHAT?? Kenshin's awake?? After the miso soup?!" Sano, Megumi and Yahiko burst into the dojo simultaneously. "Kenshin? Is this really you?" Sano poked him in the ribs while Yahiko twisted his ear.

"Oro? Oro? Oro?"

"Finally!! You guys are back!! Where did you disappear to??" The three were confronted by a very indignant Kaoru. Without waiting for an answer, she babbled on enthusiastically. "You all MUST try my miso soup! It's simply marvelous! Why, it even woke Kenshin up! This has GOT to be…"

"Uhhh…Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin's bewildered voice broke off Kaoru's train of thought. "In case you haven't noticed, Sano, Megumi and Yahiko seemed to have taken off with your miso soup."

"WHAT?! COME BACK HERE, YOU IDIOTS!!!" screamed Kaoru, rushing off in hot pursuit. She reached the cliff just in time to catch a glimpse of the three frantically pouring the remains of the miso soup into the river below.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! NOOoooooOOOOOoooOOO!!!!! MY MISO SOUP!!!!!!"

_The following day's headlines : VILLAGERS BAFFLED OVER MYSTERIOUS DEATH OF FISHES IN NEARBY RIVER. INVESTIGATIONS REGARDING DUMPING OF TOXIC CHEMICALS UNDERWAY. _

THE END.


End file.
